From A Church Member's Heart

Hello Emmanuel,

Last week I shared the 9 heartfelt things that pastors would like to say to church members.  This week I’m sharing another blog by Thom Rainer:  9 heartfelt things that church members would like to say to their pastor.  This was gathered by Thom, collecting them through many social media sites, emails and personal conversation.   Thom’s writing is in regular type.  I will comment accordingly in italics.

The following nine statements are heart matters for many church members. For the most part, these members are not the perpetual critics and the business meeting naysayers. These are men and women who truly love their pastors. But many of them do have some words from the heart they would like to share with their pastors. But many are reticent to do so, because they know their pastors often receive criticisms and inordinate demands for attention.

So, hear these heartfelt words from church members who love their pastors, from men and women who truly desire the best for them.

1.    “Let me know you really care for me.” That does not mean you call me regularly or that you visit me on demand. It is more of a disposition, or maybe words from the pulpit that demonstrate your love for the members. We can tell if you really care for us and love us.

I hope you know that I really care about you and Emmanuel.  If I don’t show it enough, let me know.  There are times that I may not show it enough.

2.    “Teach me the Bible.” I know you are inundated with requests, and the expectations for your time are often unreasonable. But please do not let those people distract you from your time in the Word. I am hungry for biblical teaching and preaching. Please spend time studying the Word so you can teach us well.

One of my favorite parts of my job is to teach Scripture.  Bible Study is held September through May.  Aside from sermons, Bible Study is a place for good dialogue and learning.

3.    “Help me deal with change.” This world and culture are changing so fast that I find myself dealing with fear and uncertainly. Help me understand the steadfastness of God in a turbulent world. And understand that my fear of change in the church is often related to my fear of change in the world. So lead me gently as you lead change in the church.

I realize that I have been an agent of change, especially in my first 3 years at Emmanuel.  I don’t like change just for the sake of change.  I hope that anytime I have encouraged change, I have shown the reasons for it and led you gently enough.

4.    “Don’t lead too far ahead.” I do want you to lead us. But don’t get so far ahead of us that we mistake you for the enemy and shoot you in the rear. I know change is necessary, but learn the pace of change that is best for our church.

Well I haven’t been shot yet… haha… I feel that our change of pace has been a healthy pace.  But I do wonder if I, at times, underestimate your willingness to change at a faster pace….. not that I would necessarily want to.  Change is scary for me too.

5.    “Help me deal with family issues.” Some of us are in struggling marriages. Some of us are lonely whether we are single or married. Some of us have problems with our children. Some of us are dealing with aging parents. We hurt deeply when we have hurts about our families. Show us biblical truths about these issues. And show us your pastoral heart and concern for these issues.

This is one of my areas of passion.  I want to help you with family issues.  It isn’t that I can always help, but I’m always willing to talk.  Healthy churches are made up of healthy families.  Healthy families are families that are able to cope and/or heal around dysfunctions which all families have to some degree.  Please feel free to talk with me.  Don’t worry.  After almost 20 years of ministry, I’ve seen and heard a lot of family stuff.

6.    “Be transparent.” We know you are imperfect, but the critics sometimes cause you to hide your faults. For sure, we don’t want every nitty gritty personal detail about you and your family. But we do want to know that you have some of the same struggles we do. It helps us to identify with you better. It helps us to pray for you more.

You won’t get every nitty gritty personal detail, but I’ve never been afraid of sharing my faults.  It’s connected with my core value of being authentic.  Some of the more ‘professional’ clergy in the world might suggest I’m too forthcoming about my own human flaws.  Oh well.  Good thing God is full of grace.

7.    “Don’t get defensive when I offer constructive criticism.” I know that this one is tough. You get so many criticisms already; many of them are petty and self-serving. But there are many of us who love you and will, on rare occasions, offer some words that we think are best for you. Hear us without being defensive. Pray that God’s Spirit will help you discern when you should listen and when you should ignore.

This is a tough one for me.  I have learned over the years that I need to listen to some kinds of criticism.  I make great effort not to get defensive.  I hope I do well enough to continue learning how to be a good pastor.

8.    “Pray for me.” Please let me know that you love your church members so much that you pray for us regularly. Let us know that you consider prayer for the members to be one of your highest priorities.

I read your prayer concerns and joys every week.  I very much appreciate our prayer ministry.  It is part of what binds us together.  If you want me to pray for you, let it be known on the prayer slip on Sundays.  Or you can email, text, call or send smoke signals.  I will pray for you.

9.    “Give me hope.” This world confuses me. This degenerating culture scares me. Show me how God has dealt with such hopeless times in the past that they may be times of hope for me today. Show me Christ’s possibilities, His hope, and His encouragement in difficult days.

Giving hope is what drives me to be your pastor.  I hope my preaching and teaching and praying encourages you at least part of the time.  Jesus is alive.  That is what gives me hope.  I won’t let you forget that Jesus is alive.  It is what should give you hope too.

God is Good,

Pastor Joe

p.s.  I neglected to talk about the evening of Friday, June 27^th.  It is a day we are all invited to go out to Don and Gayle Burroughs to have a time of camping out.  Fathers and sons and anyone else can bring their tents as well and spend the night.  It’s one of those ‘change of pace’ moments that can help us see God among us, the church.  More details will be offered on Sunday and through the newsletter emailed out on Friday.