Win At All Costs

Hello Emmanuel,

Hope has started her first volleyball season.  As a dad, few things excite me more than watching my kids compete.  I have been driving her to practices and games with anticipation in my soul, imagining my 5^th grade daughter diving all over the court with knee pads in place, sweat dripping from her brow, and a look of determined excellence on her face.  That’s what I imagined.

Her?  Not so much.

5^th grade volleyball players evidently cement their feet to the floor.  If the ball happens to come their way, they hit it.  If not… well… someone else can get it.  It probably isn’t cool to be flying around everywhere like some sort of….… competitor.  In addition, the social aspect of making friends is much more important than paying attention to the game.  Scoring a point (for either team) is only an opportunity for giggling and social interaction.  The question as to why Dad is sitting in the crowd with his head in his hands is seemingly avoided altogether.

So I watch.  And I clap my hands when the serve goes over the net.  And I tell her ‘good job’.  All the while, my inward competitor is moaning and groaning.  It’s one of the reasons I could never coach kids at any level for any sport.  Watching the process of developing an athlete is agonizingly slow in my mind.  I would lose my patience way too soon.  I know.  I proved it.  I coached Joey’s t-ball team.  It was just as agonizing as I thought it would be.  And it wasn’t good for the health of family relationships either.  Just ask Kim.

Experiencing my competitive fervor in the church has been interesting over the years.  I’ve had to find ways to put my fervor in the right places and in the right way.  It isn’t always easy.  I lose my patience at times and need to find safe places to yell and scream (and, no, it isn’t at home.  That also isn’t conducive to healthy relationships).  Indeed, having a study that is padded and sound proof isn’t always a bad idea.

But honestly, my years at Emmanuel have been pretty good.  I’ve learned to compete in the right ways… here’s some of what I’ve learend:

Compete against unholy behavior.  Don’t compete against people.

            The opponent of the church isn’t people.  The opponent is behavior that opposes God’s will.  When I am able to remember what we are competing against, I can help keep the church focused and keep people encouraged and empowered to do holy stuff.  However, when I forget and think that we are competing against people who God created (unbelievers or other churched people), then I inevitably hurt relationships. 

Compete against faithlessness.  Don’t compete against other churches.

            The biggest temptation is to try and bad mouth the church down the street so that I can make myself look better.  It may be my biggest flaw as a pastor (besides my thick sarcasm).  It’s easy to get defensive when people point out what a better church the OTHER church is.  I need to remember that, for the most part, churches are all on the same team.  They may try to do things differently, but ultimately our goal is to spread the gospel message. 

Compete to bring unity.  Don’t compete to be right all the time.

            People like to be right.  And when someone is right, then that means someone else must be wrong.  Being right or wrong can too easily define a person’s worth.  People feel good when they are right and feel bad when they are wrong.  People can feel more important when they are right; less important when they are wrong.  This isn’t God’s way.  A person’s worth is connected to who created them, not to what their opinions are.  It’s one of the reasons I discourage taking votes in committee meetings.

            The art of compromise in the context of God’s Vision for the church is a much more difficult task.  However, it can be much more productive when a ministry team can effectively dialogue about any given issue and come to a compromised agreement that doesn’t put the Vision at risk.  I have found it to bring more unity to a church and less people ever feel disenfranchised, excluded or unwanted (and by extension, sometimes rejected by God).

These methods don’t always solve my dilemma.  I’m still heavily competitive and need to find ways to compete outside my role as pastor.  I just need to make sure no church people are around to watch me.  My halo has been known to quickly fall off my horns.

… now… for that padded, sound-proofed room….

God is Good,

Pastor Joe