Death and Family Strife

Hello Church,

Today's topic is a little morbid.  I am currently sitting in the waiting room at Tri-Health, waiting for Joey as he goes through a medical procedure.  It's a minor one, to be sure, but for some there is no such thing as a 'minor' procedure.

One of the questions he was asked at check-in was if he had brought a living will.  We chuckled about it and then made jokes, but that was more out of awkwardness than anything else.

Through the years as I have helped families through grief and loss, the topic of wills have come up from time to time.  Unfortunately sometimes the topic is not a positive one.  Loved ones have often passed away without leaving any will.  This inevitably causes stress and conflict among the family even as they are dealing with the grief.  Family members discuss, argue and debate about who gets what or how much.  At times it as turned very ugly, leading into legal action or family division.  It's a sad thing to see.

Other times, when wills are involved, it still may not be much better.  The wills can be unclear or seen as unfair, still causing conflict among family.  All the while, grief is present and difficult.

The Church has a lot to say about what may or may not happen to you after you die.  I would like to bring attention to the other side of things.  What happens to your family after you die?  Here are some of my thoughts based on my experience through the years:

 - Have a will.  Make it clear and concise.  You don't want your family dealing with the complications because you didn't have one (especially in the state of Ohio).  This will help your family focus on the emotions of losing you.

- Communicate to the family about your will.  Help them understand your wishes.  Talk to them.  They can't argue with you after your gone and thus will be left to argue with family instead.  Talk it out now.  Even if they don't agree or don't think it is fair, give them opportunity to process through it now so they can focus on grief when you are gone.

- Losing loved ones shouldn't be wrought with legal affairs.  It should be a time of celebrating a person's life and coming together as family and friends to console and comfort one another.  Sending this message through the will would be a nice idea to encourage them to focus on the important things.

As a side note, technology allows us to be very creative in how we send messages to our family and friends after we die.  I am currently considering how I can preside over my own funeral through the use of video... even interactive video.  It gives me an immense amount of control in how my life is to be celebrated, at least for the duration of the funeral service.  I also wonder how technology can be used to express my last wishes.

I told you this was a morbid topic.  However, it can also be a life-giving topic.  How our lives go on for eternity is of the upmost importance, but who we leave behind and how they go on living is not insignificant.  Help them keep on living by considering what you leave behind and how you leave it.

God is Good,
Pastor Joe