I Am Methodist And I Approve This Message!

 Hello Church,

Warning!  Taking the pastor too seriously could end in hurt feelings.  You could end up offended, put off, and even disgusted.  Now.... on with the show....

Methodists eat better!  Baptists think they do and the Presbys claim the same.  However, Methodists have spent years perfecting the carry-in.  One only needs to harken back to John Wesley's quote:

“Do all the good you can, By all the means you can, In all the ways you can, In all the places you can, At all the times you can, To all the people you can, As long as ever you can.” ― John Wesley

If this doesn't prove our dishes to be better, then what does?  The time, effort, faith and passion put into every casserole; every home-baked muffin; every microwaved hotdog; every water-downed, styrofoam cup of lemonade.... Methodist eat better and eat more!

What do Baptists have?  They spend endless hours filling the tubs in their sanctuaries while we Methodists work our wonder in the kitchen!  Presbyterians?  They are predestined to be who they are, with no room to grow in their baking skills.  

And don't even get me started on Lutherans.  The cost of producing their books which they call bulletins robs them of the funds needed for baking powder, sugar and those 7 layers for the salad that heads up the line of tables filled with nourishing food.  

Methodists!  We are for healthy churches.  We are for fellowship halls stacked with tables and chairs!  Children (and a few senior citizens) gather around slobbering over the dessert table.  We have even been known to eat a cookie before grace.  This proves the endless goodness of our food and the zest we have to eat it.

Catholics?  They settle for only plastic wafers and a swallow of juice.  Episcopalians?  I don't even know if they have carry-ins.  

.....and then you have these non-denominational wanna-bees!  They try to mimic the long, strong tradition of Methodism, but their pasta is soggy; their burgers are dry; and the corn is from a can!  Embarrassing!

Do you want a church that cares about you?  Do you want a church that invests its heart, soul and oven into filling your needs?  Vote for the Methodist.  Join us on Sundays right after worship.  We won't let you down....

....well.. once Covid is over... gotta wait for the end of the pandemic...  It might be a while yet...

...but once Covid is over, you will see!  Methodists are the best!!!

I am Methodist and I approve this message.

God is Good,

Pastor Joe