From A Pastor's Heart

Hello Emmanuel,

The following is a blog written by Thom Rainer that I read at Annual Conference today.  I’m sharing it with you because of how much truth there is in what goes on in the hearts of pastors.  Some of these I relate with stronger than others.  Thom’s writing is in regular type.  I will comment accordingly in italics.

Most pastors love church members dearly. They truly care for those they serve.  But pastors are human.  And there are times they would like church members to know some things about them. In my conversations with pastors via social media, in person, by phone, and by email, here are the nine most common themes

·  “When you criticize a family member, you hurt me deeply.” Please understand that neither my spouse nor my children are employed by the church. Do your best to treat them as regular church members, and do not place unreasonable expectations on them.

It is difficult to be in a position to defend a family member at the expense of the church.  I thank Emmanuel for loving my family with grace.  Sometimes I take it for granted that the church has not put me in such a position.

·  “I will have bad days, and it will show at times.” A pastor is supposed to be “on” all the time. But it is difficult. I know there are times I speak out of turn. I know there are times when I’m too tired to listen well. I will try not to show my bad days, but I will slip at times.

I certainly have bad days, but not too many of them.  It will usually come out by me seeming to be short in my conversation.  As Kim will attest, when I’m grumpy, I don’t like to talk.

·  “Not all of my sermons will be ‘home runs.’” I wish they were. But with the number of different messages I have to prepare and preach in a year, I won’t always be the stellar preacher you want me to be. Indeed, I won’t always be the stellar preacher I want to be.

I’ve always been my worst critic.  I also know my style turns some people off.  I can be too blunt at times and sometimes people don’t know if I’m joking or serious.  Sometimes people laugh with me, sometimes at me, sometimes not at all.  My hope is that in the midst of my idiosyncrasies, you might find a sermon here and there that hits home with you.  When you do, let me know.  I won’t get a big head.  It will give me confidence in an area that I don’t always have confidence in.

·  “I am sensitive about my salary.” There are few people who work in a place where everyone in the organization is the boss. That is the nature of church work. But when you make disparaging comments about my pay and my related work, it cuts me to the core.

I actually don’t relate much with this.  Once the Staff-Parish Relations Team and I settle on a salary, I’m good to go (I see the SPRC as my boss).  I haven’t experienced any ‘disparaging comments’.  But if I ever do, unless you are in leadership, I won’t let it bother me much. 

·  “I struggle when the church numbers are down.” I know I shouldn’t. I know I shouldn’t derive my worth based on attendance and offerings. But when attendance declines or offerings drop, I question my own leadership at the church.

This is one of the truest statements for me.  I believe the reality is that when I provide quality leadership to a quality church, people will come and get involved.  When numbers drop, I can’t help but to question the quality of my leadership.  I try to overcome this by staying focused on the big picture…. Annual numbers and trends over a period of years… not numbers on any given Sunday.  So far, so good.

·  “I would love a true friend in the church.” I’m talking about someone who would let me be myself, someone who wouldn’t mind if I let my hair down. It seems like everyone wants me to put on my pastor face all the time.

I am fortunate that I have a few people at Emmanuel who encourage me do this.  Letting my hair down is difficult (in more ways than one) because it takes a tremendous amount of trust, but it helps remind me that I’m human like everyone else. 

·  “Please don’t criticize me or ask me to do something right before I preach.” I put many hours into sermon preparation. I have prayed with intensity about the message. Please don’t tell me the worship center is too cold right before I preach.

Honestly?  This REALLY grates at me.  I’m trying to get into the zone, get focused, to energize a congregation of people.  To throw a comment at me about something entirely different (and sometimes insignificant) is like pushing a basketball player right before he is going to shoot.  It isn’t helpful.  Talk to me later.  I’ll be glad to listen to whatever it is.  (unless my zipper is down… in that case, please let me know… thanks).

·  “I cannot show up at every place all of you would like me to be.” I jokingly told a pastor friend that I wish I could be omnipresent, and he laughed and agreed. I love you church members, but it is physically impossible to be all the places you expect me to be.

True, true and true again.  But, again, Emmanuel has been very good with me on this.  If I can’t be somewhere, I will let you know why. 

·  “I hurt deeply when good people don’t defend me.” Every leader will have his or her critics; and that is certainly the case with pastors. I don’t expect to be immune from criticisms. But what hurts me the most is the silence of “good” members when I am attacked unfairly. Please say a kind word about me in response to the negativity you hear. Don’t let the few critics dominate the conversation.

I’d like to think I’m strong enough to take on unfair criticism.  Not always.  It’s good to know I have people who have my back.  There will always be those who say things when they don’t know the whole story.  But to have good people who may not want to get involved can leave pastors thinking it’s them against the world. 

Next week is another blog by Thom about the 9 heartfelt things people want their pastor to know.  I’ll write on that next week.  It’s only fair.  J

God is Good,

Pastor Joe